There are two experiences in my life that have helped me see how difficult communication can be. One is marriage, and the second is school leadership. No matter how clear I think I’m being when I speak or write (and anyone who’s sent an email to our parent community knows this is true), it’s never as obvious I assume. Why is this the case? There are lots of talking heads about how to communicate better, and I found Talking Sense: Communicating to Lead and Learn, by Dr. Barry Jentz, an outstanding tool to help me improve. Jentz is a former professor at Harvard School of Education and a long-time consultant, and his experience shows.
He begins with a deceptively simple premise that betrays a tremendous amount of complexity if one is to implement it well. The premise is as follows: Everyone makes sense to themselves, so a big part of communicating well is being open and curious about the ‘sense’ the other person is making to themselves, from their perspective. When you take this step of curiosity you start the process of learning something new about the world that you would not have understood when just in your own mind. And when this learning happens you can better understand what the other person is really saying,while also seeing a situation or idea more deeply than you did before because you can see it from another person’s perspective as well (i.e. learning). You also build a relationship and respect through the process. Jantz calls this ideal reflective communication, in contrast to reflexive communication, where a person cannot get out of their own understanding, emotions and commitments. This usually happens because we don’t see the deeper commitments at work, and it takes communication to bring them to clarity and consciousness. Developing these skills, both internal and interpersonal, are the subject of the book.
What makes Jantz’s book particularly useful are the case studies he brings. Not only are they rich and detailed, but he deconstructs each in detail to ‘show’ his ideas work in practice, rather than ‘telling’ the reader about his ideas.
I think Jantz’s book is incredibly useful whether for personal or professional reasons. Hopefully if you read it, my emails will make more ‘sense’!
Just Because I Liked It:
- A fabulous short clip from Herbie Hancock discussing what he learned about making mistakes from the great Miles Davis.
- I have a soft spot for Charlie Munger acolytes, and Tom Gayner is one of his best. I loved Gayner’s interview on the Knowledge Project, where he discusses investing, decision making, and so much more.