Reading People

A big part of why I read (and learn Torah) is to make sense of the world. Fiction or nonfiction, both help me clarify what I see outside, or as often, understand myself and my inner life. And because of this strong inner-drive I have to ‘make sense’ of things, reading is something I turn to a lot.  

The last few days I was teaching in the Day School Leadership Training Institute (under the Prizmah umbrella), a head of school training program for leaders in Jewish day schools. It’s intense and fun, all at the same time. The people, mentors and mentees alike, are of outstanding quality. The level of learning, a willingness to be vulnerable, and everyone’s thoughtfulness is exceptionally high.  Both the group, and more to the point here, the one on one conversations, were nourishing and meaningful. 

I also barely read a word over those three days, but felt as full as if I did. 

What I realized was that what I get from a certain kind of interpersonal relationship is the same as what I experience when reading. I think it’s an extreme presence combined with vulnerability, self-awareness, self-reflection, and honesty.  Looking back this has always been true, but I didn’t make the connection before. 

The other day I listened to Adam Grant interviewing Baratunde Thurston. It was a really wonderful conversation, with one part that I keep thinking about. Grant reflected that for some people they get the shivers, a kind of sublime experience, when they listen to a powerful piece of music, or see a beautiful work of art, but that neither of these move him. He gets that experience of the sublime when he hears a powerful idea.  

There’s something of this in what I’ve described above, but at a more human, less abstract level.  The idea is part of it, insofar as ideas help make sense of the world. But connecting over a lived experience, sharing the gift of understanding with another person and having it validated, knowing how one makes sense of the world has been heard and internalized – these are powerful moments that make the world a clearer and better understood place, that ground our humanity and support our growth. 

My gratitude to DSLTI.