I first met Shira Barth when she was a student in the middle school where I was a principal, about 11 years ago. She was shy, bright, had (and has) wonderful midot, and was obviously curious. I got to know her family over time, both when her younger sister joined the school, and because they davened at the same shul as my parents.
A little over three years ago, while in the middle of her undergrad, Shira was diagnosed with a brain tumor. It took two long surgeries and over eight months of rehab to recover, and thank God, she has very much done so.
As a gift to others, and as a way to process her experience, Shira has taken the time to write a book reflecting on what happened to her, a “how to” for young people facing trauma (though I’d say it’s all good advice for life) titled Relax, It’s Not Brain Surgery. It’s a short read which I’d very much recommend to young people, or frankly anyone going through a difficult time. It’s filled with great advice, honest insights, and puts one very much in the frame of mind for how to appreciate and get the most out of life.
A couple of things that stood out to me. She has a great rule for figuring out if something should really bother you. She said, “This rule consists of thinking about how long you would be upset for if something was taken away from you. If it’s five minutes, then it’s not that important. If it’s five months, then this thing will probably be higher up on the list.” Such a great tool! The second was how bifurcated her experience with cell phones was. On one hand, it was a lifeline to the people around her during her hospital stay, who couldn’t be present because of COVID. On the other, social media was toxic because it generated FOMO. Staying off this medium was not just helpful in and of itself, but pushed her to define her goals and happiness on her terms – not someone’s Instagram post.
My leadership role has led me to often see the hidden struggles people have in life. What I’ve learned is that some people are able to be more honest and confront the challenges of life openly and thoughtfully. They don’t hide, they don’t blame outwards, and they don’t delude themselves. But often people do quite the opposite, making the thing they are struggling with so much harder. Reading Shira’s book, I was quite taken with how self aware, thoughtful, and mature she was. Going through what she has can never be called a “gift,” but the wisdom she has taken from it certainly is.
For only a few dollars on Amazon, it’s worth reading Shira’s priceless words.
Just Because I Liked It:
- I thought this conversation about the deportation of Mahmoud Khalil on Honestly was really interesting. This was partly true about the ideas themselves, as much as the participants ability to talk past one another about the core issue(s).
- I’m a huge fan of the Acquired podcast, and loved this episode about Ikea – thanks Mom!