On my recent trip to Israel I was privileged to spend a couple of hours with Rabbi Yishai Zinger. Rav Dov Zinger, his father, started a yeshiva high school in Israel that has a very intense focus on sparking religious commitment (Rav Zinger also does a lot of other interesting things, especially around tefilah, across the country), where Rav Yishai teaches. Over the last few years they have brought their approach, called Lifnai ve’Lifnim, to North American Jewish Day Schools. The name is a reference to the Holy of Holies, the Kodesh Hakodashim, but literally means internalization and deepening, which is the core goal of their work.
It was a long and fascinating conversation (one which I was pleasantly comfortable enough to have in Hebrew), with one core idea that I hadn’t heard articulated as he did, and wanted to think through here.
We often think about spirituality, ruchiniyut, religiosity, as an internal project. It’s within me, something I have to work on personally, as an individual. In an extreme (and I don’t use this in a pejorative sense), it’s hitbodedut in Breslov, silent meditation retreat in Buddhism, or the individual introspection of mussar as you’d find in Mesilat Yesharim. It’s also a way of thinking about spirituality that’s pretty modern, with its focus on the individual and his/her beliefs or practices. But for Rav Zinger, ruchniyut is created in relationship – first with another person, and then with Hashem, and if I understood correctly, in that order. When I’m open and honest with the people around me, when I am present with and accept the presence of others, when I feel accepted by others, when I can trust people whom I’m in relationship with, I can learn to extend that to God as well – as a Being who I can be honest with, be present with, feel accepted by, and trust.
For Rav Zinger this is not a theoretical project. The yeshiva, and the work done in Lifnai ve’Lifnim, is about living this perspective of relationships at the centre, and it starts small and deceptively simple. It begins with sitting in a circle so you face everyone, without the barrier of a desk; saying hello to each person in the group to acknowledge them as individuals and feel seen; have each person check in so everyone else knows ‘where they are holding’ at that moment. And that’s just to begin learning together with others – there’s much more. And despite its simplicity, these behaviors send a clear message – each person matters, is noticed by others, and can bring their full self to the group.
Some, Rav Yishai said, feel that these kinds of practices are a ‘waste of time’, and I understand why. I can imagine someone saying, ‘Nu – get on with the learning!’, or, ‘What’s with all the touchy feely stuff? Give me some good hard texts!’ And while it’s true that people learn better and take more learning risks when they feel comfortable with the people they are with, and this is a key part of building that safety-through-community, it’s more than this. It’s a building block for the ultimate relationship – with Hashem. Yes, we need Eitan Katz concerts, Kabbalat Shabbat kumzitzim, and Shabbatonim, which is to say, inspiring moments. But we also need to build children who know how to have healthy relationships, can learn to speak to Hashem within a meaningful relationship, and are spirituality grounded in day to day life. I’m very drawn to the idea that we develop our relationship with Hashem by developing it with other people, and not simply on our own; that when I learn to be a good friend with those around me, it serves my being a good friend to Hashem as well. This has powerful implications for our practice as educators, which I know have become a key part of the discussions amongst our Jewish Studies faculty who are participating in Lifnai ve’Lifnim.
The conversation left me hopeful and grateful. Hopeful that we have been given not only a set of ideas but practices to help our students. And grateful to the opportunity to work with the Zingers, and be exposed to their generous, and open-hearted Torah.